crazy

I don't understand anything!
not a map, not what I am to do in this life of mine, not love...
everything changes, am I so stuck, unable to adapt...
I keep crying out of frustration, even words have new meaning they didn't have yesterday.
maybe this is insanity, maybe my life is backwards and I was always insane, and somehow I thought I had learned all these healthy ways of being, that was all my invention? am I living all this in my head? am I crazy? am I supposed to fight this, or let it take me over? I have a new job starting, full of hope and dread.
what do I work on first? the everyday stuff takes all my energy...where does my energy go? will I ever have time for me?