anger

people knew and did nothing
my mother called me names, ugly names, words I didn't know the meaning to
I understood later in life, when my husband called me the same names, in french no less
I hate french, it was the language of most my abuse, English, that was my recovery language
I have to stop saving the world, but the cries for help only make my own recovery longer
deeper, more raw
people knew and did nothing
I cry saying those words, I rage against this feeling I just can't get over right now
through my tears I hope this episode lasts shorter than the last, and longer than the next
I haven't been in this raw place since 2006
I have a right to be angry, I have a right to speak, and be taken seriously, I have all those rights no one accorded me, before today
I was called a problem child, a run away, a liar, overly sensitive, crybaby, ugly, worthless, mistake, know I know that is how she saw me, how she treated me, how I let other treat me, and how I thought everyone was going to treat me forever.
that changed in my early therapy, I know it can change even more with the new therapy I will start.
I spoke to his wife an hour ago, then to him less than 30 minutes ago.
He sounded much better that the last time I spoke to him.
There are things happening all around me, a teenage girl going through a break up with an abusive boyfriend, I feel helpless, and scared like if I was living it. Not sure what the psychological term is right now.
Right now I feel like I am the one who knows, and I am choosing not to do anything, I know this young woman has a good support system in place to help her, and I know she is OK, and will be. Yet I feel so helpless, again another term I do not know.
OK enough writing now, real life awaits on the other side of my bedroom door, and I have to cross that threshold