it took watching a show, with a touching end...and the river of tears has come. There is not one cause for this, but an accumulation of pent up,"I mustn't let the kids' see, I have no clue what is right, why is this so hard now, what do I need to do next, I need sleep!"
Yesterday, in a social worker's office as I had to explain my family tree, being the eldest of 5, the only child of my parents' union...how my maternal grandmother might have had a lobotomy, my maternal uncle killed himself, my hoarder mother, me... who's been in psych wards for various "crazy" behaviors, to my kids, who in their own way struggle. We've come a long way... I hope all my hard work pays off, and they can now skip the psych ward step of recovery. May they have better lives, may I continue being a better me, I pray for healing to continue. This year is HUGE for me and my kids... from being unemployed, single, struggling to see my youngest son, to being employed, in a healthy relationship, to having my son every week, and for me getting off meds I was on for 10+ years. It is ok for me to shed these tears, it is ok to feel exhausted, I am OK.
It just keeps getting better.
ReplyDeleteThat's not without challenges, struggles, tears, and times when things just seem overwhelming. It is the choppy waters that makes us stronger, so that we can better enjoy the moments of smooth sailing.
I would wish for you very happy days ahead and I know that the worst is over and you and your kids will have a happy and healthy future ahead.
ReplyDeleteI believe in 'Better Days' Gem.
ReplyDeleteThey do come, not as fast as we want them to, but they do.