entry dated Nov.22, 2008
Pain and Healing
my mind, it's gone, it left, or is it coming back?
memories trigger shit, shit I don't want to think about yet, I know it helps, but first it hurts,
IT HURTS LIKE HELL.
remembering heals?
healing hurts?
I keep forgetting the pain of healing, forgetting is a good thing, sometimes...
this path I walk alone in my head, but in my life there are others, I need to protect, I also need help, most days it all seems too much for one person alone.
when to ask for help? when do I do it on my own?
I fear my own failures
life lessons
harsh ones, good ones, healing ones...
This will one day be a lesson I look back on, I know I will be proud, but for now I allow the fear to be felt, and reach out to the helping hands around me, while I also remember the perseverance that has gotten me to here, to today, to comfort the ones who need my protection.
entry dated June 17, 2009
Fight or Flight
lovers lie, they leave, lovers love, and they hurt.
my heart is still here, you are just not there to feel it.
we were lovers once, now it's time to be just friends.
you say, "it's just not meant to be:", my heart begs to differ.
tonight, there is no fight left in me, life keeps sucking it out of my tired body.
my heart is till here, you are just not there to feel it.
entry dated July 10, 2009
i wish
i wish i could have what i want
and that what i want matters to someone
i wish i could live forever
and that my life would be happy
i wish i didn't feel things so deeply that i didn't feel at all
why am i here now? why do i keep coming back to this?
why do i not listen to the little voice that guided me well for a short time?
when did i forget to smile?
I don't like this emotion, i wish it would end
I want to find my path again, i feel lost.
how do i get back home?
entry dated Aug.8, 2009
Deja Vu
have I been here before?
was I just in your arms, my eyes open wide, or were they shut?
did I speak these words, my voice unheard?
it's time for bed, my mind won't sleep.
writing helps me see, but tomorrow I won't remember, until I find this again, like the thoughts of my yesterdays, all new tomorrow; like the smell that lingers as I lay down, it will be gone when I wake.
my tears, wish they could be bottled, stored, and placed on a shelf, in full view....so I don't forget today.
That thought, I've had it many a time, and to my dismay, I keep going back....
these tears I don't let you see, they matter to me.
entry dated May 18th 2010
Border Line
today took strength, I know I am,
today took love, of myself and others,
I cry in my strength.
I hear you, did you hear me?
There is a difference between words and actions.
Wow, do I actually have these boundaries?
I see where I end, and you begin.
cool, this is me, that is you, says the borderline.
I chose these, because I can see my evolution...
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