You knew it long before I did, what all this meant. I know it today, I believe it, I feel it...Just like I didn't know, after our first and second dates, that uncertainty scared me, your confidence in this scared me too. By now, was I not seeing what you did? Did I not feel what you did? When you said those 3 little words, that just SCARED me, I knew I felt a connection, an attraction...is it love? At that moment, "Love hurts, love doesn't last", that is all I could say with certainty.
What changed? I may have needed this time off from work, these endless lazy days that were all blurred into one; reading "The Alchemist", "omens", laugh all you want, I have been an alchemist in my Fairyland Garden, and have even turned frogs into gold; my broken thumb, strange interaction with meds, leading me to stop them altogether, unclear new job, car break downs, salamander hunting in your "backyard", each of us showing the other things of our everyday lives we never saw were there, all these overwhelming life changes... And all those words of yours I've read, here and there, many "omens", we have discussed the fact we may be reading into what we want, and that might be an "omen" too. The story of you "nearly falling off your chair" when I replied to your chat invite, the way our girls started planning our wedding the first day they chatted.... our many chat discussions, when we were getting to know each other, they day I shared my past diagnosis and recovery, when I thought I had made a huge mistake by sharing that, so early in our chats; your reaction to it, you healed a broken part of my soul with that single call.
I am in love with you, and I don't know how this happened, from one day to the next... You opened your life to mine, and I did the same. We've both loved others, this feels different, as all the others did ... I know I have rushed at love, scaring it away, forcing it to get my way... this time I walked slowly, cautiously, letting you lead me, or was it the universe guiding me? That is the difference I feel, in my heart, as it floods with one knowing feeling, LOVE.
I realize there is no need to question these things, that I know, and I thought by putting my feelings into these words would make it clearer...I doubt anyone reading this, other than you, will understand, but I needed to write and read it, to see it. Words just can't express this feeling, you already know that.
~Life prepared us perfectly for each other. ~
&
~I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.~
Dear Emerald,
ReplyDeleteI am touched by your love letter. I dont know whether I am supposed to read it or not, but believe me, I can relate to every word you said. And....
" I realize there is no need to question these things, that I know..."
that sort of summarises this. And yes, the Universe did conspire and you both have loved each other, even before you have known each other. Sometimes, one needs to walk through the deserts and the thorns, it is a necessary part of the eternal quest of the Soul for your Soulmate.
Either I am so blessed or I am so cursed to understand everything that you said.
ReplyDeleteFear is universal. But so is hope.
I go for hope, always. Boost it with faith. Embrace it with love. And all of the universe sings.
I came along with my own fears and insecurities; something motivated me to recognize them for the remnants of the past that they were, and to cast them out.
ReplyDeleteMy heart did not know it before yours did - what I felt could not exist in one heart alone - my mind just caught up a bit faster.
"...I never knew magic until I met you."
I love the things you write - but oddly it feels a bit voyeuristic reading them when I know who you are talking about.
ReplyDeleteHow very bizarre.