old stuff

 ~*~

THE END

i never imagined this, the end
time passing, with nothing to do, but watch
all efforts, feel useless, futile
i've surendered, but to what?
doubting every move, every word, paralized
options, risks, benefits, never ending battles
the end is not what I imagined

 ~*~

<3

the kiss, missed
words, unspoken

where did my voice go?
the words pile up, swallowed down
choking
lips untouched, sewn shut

eyes see
skin feels
nose smells
noises heard

my silence
my prison

my hell

~*~

 THE BROKEN ONES

having failed at personal relationships often, makes me question everything.

I am not alone in feeling "broken" or "defective", my ex-spouces, lovers and even friends, what a huge task at hand: to love me.
in my opinion, a part of the reason is lacking unconditional love; whether from maternal or paternal sources....that is the one commonality I have seen.
As a mother, I wonder if I give it?
If one has never felt it, can it exist?
Why does it affect one person in one way vs another?
Why do I still hope for this unconditional love, at my age, and life experience?
Can you love yourself unconditionally, if no one else has before? If that is the case, do you have to love yourself first, or can it be learned, by being loved unconditionally?

~*~

DEAR LIFE

I am grateful for being here,
for the lessons learned;
for breath, today, that kiss, the teardrop, the sigh, 

the chance to be a mother, 

the joy, the pain, the lovers who have come and gone,

the friends, family, the rainbows, aniversaries, birthdays
my struggles, successes and defeats.
My memories...I hope I can keep those forever!

SV 2010