your son, my son, OUR son

we need to do what is best for M.
he has a mom, a dad, aunts and uncles, a step-mom, step-dad, he has grand-parents, step-grand-parents...he has a huge extended family. We all love M. We all want what is best for him. I want what mothers want, you want what fathers want... it is worlds apart.
You have problems with your parents, you want to make me chose, between my time, and if I give your parents some of my time, you will not allow it?!? Tell me how that helps M. Your wife has a problem with them now, it used to be me against your clan, now, once I have made peace with your parents and sister, it is not ok with her? Why in God's name should I consider her, after all the hell you and your clan put me and my children through????
Your parents can be demanding and controlling; but they did what they thought was best for M, I accept and appreciate how much they have done for him, I am grateful. I want to move forward. We have started healing our relationships and I want to continue building trust with them, you and your wife.
I stepped back, and let the process happen while M was in the program. I trust in the outcome. I trust in my choices.
It has taken a long time to get here, and right this second, I can say I am BAFFLED. I need more input from all parties involved, I need help in making plans for my next step in this process.
I do not want to be used in your family's battles, I will not allow our son to suffer because people can't get along.
I let our son go to live with you in 2004, because I was not well enough to care for him, I never expected it would take this long to get him back. I thought his life would be more stable, I thought once I'm better you and the doctors and lawyers would see I was ok, and he'd be my son again. I know I suffer because of his lack of bond with me and so does he. I knew I lost my baby when he'd be at my house, if he'd have a nightmare and call out for "Daddy!" in the middle of the night, or when he called me Grandma if he wanted something. He knows I'm his Mom, but I missed so much of his young life with me and his sister and brother, he just visits with us now, and I no longer know if I can rebuild my family without taking something away from him, and his bond with you and with your parents. And this pain I feel right now, and just the fact that I consider his feelings and development more than my own, that proves to ME, that I love my son, and will get all the information before I act on this situation.
Mondays, that is the big problem in your schedule, who brings R home? Isn't it his mother? Why can't she also pick up M and get him home and to bed at a normal time?

She wants your parents to treat all her kids equal, then maybe she needs to do that first, and show your parents that she is not the problem here.
Can we all stop creating more problems? Can't we all work it out? I do not want to have to fight in court again, I just can't put everyone though this again, I WON'T.