my sisters

I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers: 3 sibs from my dad's second marriage, and one sister from my mother's union with another man. My mother's other daughter, Bird as I used to call my anoying tag-along-brat-of-a-little-sister, we grew up in that house. Today we spoke for the fist time in years, she was in court all day to talk to laywers and my mom's "boyfriend".  The only way to describe the last 30+ hours is like waking to another demention. As I type this, my mother and sister are under the same roof for the first time in over 10 years... and tomorrow I get a car, first time in many years I'll have a car in my name. FREEDOM. I have earned the right to crawl into bed today.... did I meantion I have a sinus cold too?
Good night

my mom

today I found out my mom was arrested, again. same thing happened in 1996. they seized 37 dogs this time, and uncounted other furry and/or feathered creatures. I am numb right now, she needs help. animal hoarding. when I left her house we had 3 dogs and 6 cats, turtles, fish, and birds. I never understood non animal lovers, I have a cat and a dog. she doesn't know her grandkids' names, or ages, she worries about me not getting my dog fixed. I want to cry, but I can't.

all I know is that she was arrested last night, I drove up to see her house, the house I lived in from age 12 till I left at 18. the front door is boarded up, the lawn overgrown, she has a forest for a yard, her poor neighbors, and this daughter who cares, but know all I can do is wait, and watch this all unfold again. the city will go in and "sanitize" the house tomorrow, I will stop by after work, to see if I can speak to someone. they just can't let her out, she needs to be in hospital, she will be in crisis... I may have to bury her. maybe I want to bury her.
thank God, my tears are here, I thought I'd implode just a few minutes ago. I remember being a child, and wishing she'd die, I hope she'll get the help she needs. this will be the second time they empty and sanitize the house, this might kill her. if they let her out without a psych evaluation, what will she do? what am I supposed to do? she can't come stay with me, I fear for my kids' safety. hope to get some answers in my dreams...if and when sleep comes.
will update when I can.

I feel like writing...

so much time has passed since I started this blog, yet it's only been a few months, it was another step in my journey. I am hopelessly in love with him, I miss his touch right now. My work days are mostly long and hard, I want to crawl into him, and forget the tasks I need to accomplish once my outside work day ends... I want to lay in his arms and dream, and feel the wonders of our love, real life keeps creeping in...duties and responsibilities, to do lists, the kids' demands, overflowing sink full of dishes, the laundry pile that never ends, the cat meows and the dog barks.
As I get ready for bed, I hope of dreams of us, till I can snuggle into you, sweet dreams my love.