Hello, I have a story to write...

Here I am, I was led here by a fellow student of life.
I'll start with August 8th 2004, many things died that day, but I wasn't one of them, thank goodness. It was a dark day, marked by rain, smoke and sirens. I executed my departure plan perfectly; I emptied my purse, I left my wallet, my rings and a note. I carried my water and many pills in my now spacious purse, smokes and a light in the pocket too, and every 5 steps or so, I'd stop to swallow some, I remember that part clearly. As the terrible thoughts and ghosts that had haunted me for 31 years did there "thing" on my drunken body and mind, I walked for a while, I knew where I wanted to lay down...this is where my plan failed, I never made it into the woods, I didn't get to lay under trees till all my pain would go away... The cold rain convinced me to lay under the overpass, things get blurry here, I know I knocked at some one's door, asking for a blanket, I think I got handed a towel, as I did lay trembling, I decided to build a fire, that's when I remember being asked to stand, I try and end up rolling down the hill. The next thing I remember is waking up muddy in hospital, that was 2 days later. I remember bits and pieces, my Dad is there, I see both my ex's, the last one tells me, "there is no way you can come home.", someone brings me coffee...there are many people who ask the same questions, same answers given and within 6 days, I am out. That is where my journey to recovery began, that first night out of the loony bin, with 2 small children in tow, I needed to find us a home. Looking back now, I wish I had stayed inside longer, I regret those first few months .... but I guess that was what we had to live to get to where we are now.

I've returned to that place, where I set the fire, where I've buried many letters there, to God, my children, my ex, I finally let go of that past, it took years, and I learned to forgive myself and that I'll write about that later. In therapy, I was told I lit that fire because I wanted to live, it took a long time for me to understand that and even longer to believe it.